just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
