Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
