You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
