So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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