i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
