How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
