sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
