I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
