I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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