It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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