I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
