where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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