Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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