do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
