Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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