Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
