Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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