I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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