I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
