she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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