you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
