He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
