I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize