the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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