I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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