3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
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