pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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