We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I accidentally burped into my bong.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
