I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
