just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
