I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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