I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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