i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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