doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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