Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
