Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Randomize
