I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
