remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
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You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
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YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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