I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
