i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
