Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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