Swine flu. Run for my life!
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
