batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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