now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
