Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
