Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
