I think my vagina is haunted
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
