Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
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Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
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The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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