I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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