I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
