MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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