Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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