He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also, beer. Big fan.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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