just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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