Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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