Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
