Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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