I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
there is puke in my bra ... again
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
