Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
