I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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