You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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