it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
