wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
