Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
