3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
this beer tastes like vomit already
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
