My room smells like vodka and shame
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
