Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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