My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Can you repeat that, but with context?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
