Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick