Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.